Once upon a time there was a policeman. One day he went fishing, but he forgot to take an umbrella. And suddenly it began to rain. But the Policeman did not hesitate. He arrested the rain, took him to the police station, and he went fishing again.
But when he got to the lake, it turned out that he had left his fishing rod at home. No big deal, thought the Cop. He immediately arrested two or three large fish and began to build a fire to cook fish soup from them.
Meanwhile, in the police station, the rain, which was placed in a cell with thick rods, managed to do some work. He flooded the floor with a huge puddle, which leaked into the office of the Chief of Police himself. The chief came out and began to scold his subordinates severely: “What an outrage! Where is the rain from? How did you get here? Oh, he was walking in the wrong place? Think it's a crime! Fined and kicked out immediately!” Rain was taken out of the cell, fined five drops and released on all four sides.
But the vindictive rain from all four sides chose exactly the one where the Policeman went. He quickly found him on the shore of the lake and not only put out the fire, but also soaked him to the skin. The policeman wanted to arrest the rain again, but he waved a receipt for paying a fine in front of his nose: they say, did you see that? You have no right to arrest twice for the same crime!
The policeman was furious. Moreover, because of the dampness, he began to runny nose and sneeze. He arrested his own nose for aggravated sneezing and took it to the Police Station for questioning. But on the way, the car's tire hit a nail and went flat. The policeman immediately arrested the nail, and at the same time the tire - for non-information. It can be seen that he simply confused non-information with non-information - after all, Sheena did not take him to the city.
And then he began to arrest everything. He arrested the road, all the trees along the road, the meadow and the cows in the meadow, the beetles in the tree and the gulls in the sky. He arrested even the smell of grass, wind and clouds. He wanted to arrest the sun as well, but the sun, guessing the intentions of the Policeman, hid behind the clouds for a long time. Finally, out of curiosity, it looked out - and was immediately arrested, like the rest of the world.
It became dark and quiet.
Aha! Get it, doves! exclaimed the Policeman. - You can't fool me! I am the most important, I am the strongest!
And suddenly he felt very tired. Sleep - the head of all Policemen and all Police Chiefs - arrested him on the spot. He lay down, put a holster under his head and fell asleep - right on the edge of the road.
When he woke up, the cows were grazing again, the breeze was blowing, the sun was shining, and a large ladybug was crawling along the cockade of his police cap ... The policeman looked around in bewilderment. Something unexpected happened while he was sleeping...
The world has escaped from under arrest!
And suddenly he realized that this is the Main Law of nature. And it's called Morning.
The Tale of Jeep Hooligans.
There lived in the same parking lot a big big truck Kamaz and his little son Uazik, a truck. The boy was very similar to his dad - and the cabin was above the engine, and the box was behind the cabin. The only thing that the son - the trucker did not know how, was to overturn the box, like dad's dump truck. But he really wanted to learn how to unload like a father, and indeed the boy really wanted to grow up quickly, become a strong dump truck and work at a construction site. Get up like a dad under an excavator or a crane for loading and have fun joking with his friend's crane. Drive fast on roads loaded with sand or gravel. And listen to how the builders thanked their father for bringing the gravel on time. And in the evening, a tired Kamaz returned to the parking lot and listened to how the son of the truck, sitting on his dad's knees, sings songs about the Christmas tree and tells Fedorino grief. The truck boy often asked Kamaz's dad to tell him some kind of road story, and dad, having put his little son to sleep in the garage, began his story. So this time, standing next to the crib, dad Kamaz began to tell:
Once upon a time - when I was a young Kamazyonok - in the parking lot with my friend, the crane, we played football. A small white car Oka drove up to the gates of the parking lot and asked to be escorted home, because she lived in a neighboring town and was afraid to drive alone in the evening along a deserted road where Jeeps were hooligans. that they couldn't drive fast. They offended the old women of the buses, calling them fat women, blinded all the oncoming cars with the headlights, in general they did all sorts of outrages. Oka's passenger car sadly lowered its headlights and almost burst into tears from annoyance, thinking that they would not help her and imagining how she would go home alone, through terrible deserted roads, where these terrible jeeps rush and offend everyone. I felt sorry for the small white passenger car and I said that I would take her to the parking lot where she lived with her mother by minibus and grandmother by bus. She was very happy and we went to a neighboring town. So the suburbs and outskirts began, with their dark streets and nooks and crannies. It was already dark and the moon was up. We were driving side by side and talking quietly when suddenly, two jeeps drove out of the corner and, blinding us with the bright light of their headlights, rushed past us. The passenger car turned even whiter with fear and clung to me. I reassured her by saying that they were just jeeps and would not offend anyone. And we were driving along an empty road and suddenly in the darkness someone grumbled at the edge of the road. We stopped and began to peer into the dark roadside. I yelled "Hey who's there"? "It's me, a row-crop tractor," a voice said with a strong diesel accent. "What are you doing there in the dark," I asked. they threw dirt on all my windows and headlights, and for an hour now I can’t find my way.” I had some water so that the tractor could wash itself. The tractor washed away all the dirt. wow, thank you friends, "said the tractor," if it weren't for you, I would have to spend the night in the fields here. "The passenger car and I suggested -" Let's go together" - because we were on the way. But the tractor said that he was going too slowly and does not want to delay us so that we wait for him. We said goodbye to the tractor and drove on. But less than ten minutes later, someone was heard crying from the side of the roadside. When we drove up, we saw a scooter scooter in the bushes by the road. He was crying and tears were flowing straight to the ground from its single headlight. He looked scared and sorry. I felt sorry for him and I asked, "What's your name?" In a trembling voice, he answered, “I’m Dyrchik. My father, a Honda motorcycle, forbade me to walk when it got dark, but I didn’t obey him. I slipped on the backfill and ended up in the bushes.
My steering wheel and seat hurt a lot, and the wheel went flat." "Yes, I know his family," said Oka's car. "They live not far from me in the next parking lot." later climb into my trunk. I'll take you home to your parents, they must have been worried. Oh, and it will hit you from your dad. "Dyrchik was very happy and climbed into the back. "Hey, stay in the back," I shouted, deciding that the worst was over, because the suburb of a passenger car town was lit up ahead. But I was mistaken. I saw that we were overtaken by two cars that looked very similar to jeeps. I asked the passenger car to go faster. But the jeeps were powerful and easily overtook us. Then I stopped and decided to talk to the hooligans and find out what they wanted. A minute later, the jeeps drove up and stopped, impudently looking at the car. They were brand new BMW jeeps. I asked them - "Hey jeeps, what do you need?" One of them on wide expensive wheels said - "Hey dude, give us this car - we want to play with it, and you leave we won't touch you home." I told them - "Come on, try to drive me away and make the wheels dust and frown on the headlights." They stood in indecision not expecting such a turn of events - not knowing what to do. the police car and jeeps quickly left. A car with beacons drove up and asked sternly - "Young people, is everything all right?" I replied that everything was fine and we moved on. We arrived at the parking lot where Dyrchik lived with his parents, father, Honda motorcycle and mother, Yamaha. Dad and mom were very happy that everything ended well with their son and dad Honda even forgot to scold Dyrchik. And mother Yamaha kept kissing and stroking her son. Here is the parking lot where the car lived. The passenger car stood on the tips of the wheels and kissed me right on the cab and said - You helped a lot today: the tractor, and the little Dyrchik and me. Thank you. I almost peeled off the paint on the cab and sweated the body, I felt so embarrassed. I said - "That's what any normal dump truck would have done in my place", nodded to her with a cab and drove to my city, to my parking lot.
And her name was Jipunya. Why Jeepunya? Yes, because her mom and dad had big Jeeps.
Once Dzhipunya decided to take a walk. “Mom, can I go for a walk?” he asked. - Well, - said my mother, - just don't go far. The jeepunya drove out the gate onto the main road. How many different cars were here: a crane, a tractor, a truck, an ambulance, a skating rink! The jeepunya rode joyfully along the path. Suddenly, on the side of the road, Jipun saw a small pussycat. Kitty sat and cried.
- Why are you crying? asked Jipunya. - I don't have any friends. - Why don't you have friends? Because I'm very small. "I'll be your friend," said Jipunya. - Jump to my booth, - and Dzhipunya opened the door.
Jeepunya and Kiska drove on. Suddenly Dzhipunya saw a small dog on the side of the road. The dog sat and cried. - Why are you crying? - asked Dzhipunya. - I don't have any friends. "Why don't you have friends," Jipunya asked. Because I'm very small. - I'll be your friend, - said Jipunya, - jump into my booth, - and Jipunya opened the door.
Dzhipunya with new friends cheerfully went on. "Look what a car!" - shouted the pussy, then the dog. So they rode and talked happily. Dzhipunya did not notice how he ended up on an unfamiliar street.
- Oh, - Jipunya exclaimed in fright, - where are we? Kitty and dog turned their heads in different directions and exclaimed in fright: “We don’t know where we are either!” The Jeep pulled over. He remembered how his mother told him not to go far from home.
- What do we do? - said the pussycat. - How can we get home? the dog asked.
Suddenly, a large truck stopped near the Jeepuni. - What's happened? he asked in a bass voice.
- Why, our Jeepunya doesn't know how to get back home, - said the little cat. “Hmm,” the big truck said, “we need to call the police car. She probably knows where your house is.
-Yes? - asked Dzhipunya, - how can I call a police car?
- Well, it's very simple, - said the truck and turned on the radio
- Attention! Attention! - the truck said importantly. Lost little Jeepunya.
After a while, a police car pulled up near the Jeepuni.
- What's happened? the police car asked.
“Here,” said the kitty, “little Jipun got lost.
- Mom will scold Jipunya, - added the dog, - mother did not allow him to go far from home.
- This is very serious, - said the police car, - it's bad to be a naughty machine. - Well, okay, now we'll think of something. Can you tell me what color your house is?
- The color of the house - Jipunya asked in surprise. - I don't know what color my house is.
The police car was surprised. “Well, do you at least know the color of the roof of your house? Do you even know where you live?” - No, - said Dzhipunya and began to cry.
- I know where Jipunya lives, - said the kitty and pointed with her paw in the direction of high and large houses. There we met with Jipunya.
- Yeah, - said the police car, - then I need to block the road.
The police car turned on the siren, blinked its headlights and drove into the middle of the road. All cars stopped.
Little Dzhipunya drove out onto the road, turned around and slowly drove in the opposite direction, towards the big houses. The police car followed him. “Look, look,” the dog exclaimed suddenly and pointed with its paw to the opposite side of the road, “that’s where we met with you.” - Yes, it's true, - said Dzhipunya joyfully, - it means that we are going right! - Look, look, - after a while the pussy exclaimed. - And we met over there! - Yes Yes! - said Dzhipunya, - so we will be home soon. After some time, Jipunya with his friends saw his house. - Look, there is my house, - said Dzhipunya joyfully. - but how do I get there? - And we will ask for a police car, - the kitty and the dog answered in unison. The jeep stopped. The police car also stopped. - We found my house, but how to get there? There are so many cars here! - Jipunya said nervously to the police car. - I will now block the road and the cars will stop, - the police car said importantly.
After some time, Jipunya and a police car drove up to Jipunya's house. Jeepuni's mother was very scared and upset. After all, the Jeepuni was gone for a very long time. Mom already wanted to call the police and look for Jipunya. When she saw Jipunya, she wept. - Where have you been for so long? - Mom exclaimed, - I did not allow you to go so far. - It's our fault, - answered the kitty and the dog in chorus and jumped out of the Jeepuni's booth. - Dzhipunya became our friend and decided to ride us. - Yes? - Mom said in surprise, - decided to become your friend? - Well, that's very good. And the police car handed Mom a card with a phone number. - If Jipunya gets lost again, you can call me on this phone and I will help. And the police car flashed its headlights.
Everyone is very tired. The police car said goodbye and went about its business. - Mom, can the kitty and the dog stay with us, because it's already very late. "Good," Mom said, and gave them some warm milk. And the Jeepune is warm gasoline. And everyone went to bed.
Second day.
Jipunya woke up in the morning and asked his mother: “Mom, what color is our house?”- Do you know what color our house is? - Mom asked in surprise, - look, it's blue.
- And what color is our roof? - asked Dzhipunya.
“And we have a red roof,” my mother answered.
- Great, - said Dzhipunya, - and began to sing cheerfully: "Blue and red, blue and red!"
After a while, the pussy and the dog woke up.
- Good morning, Jipunya, - the kitty said cheerfully, and for some reason the dog was very sad.
"Good morning," the dog said sadly.
- Why you so sad? - Jipunya asked the dog.
- Yes, you understand, - said the dog, - I would really like to have my own house, such as yours.
- It's great, - said Dzhipunya, - let's build a house for you!
- Let's build a house? - the dog asked in surprise, - that's great! And she wagged her tail.
- Well, - said Dzhipunya - we will build you a house.
- Mom, let's build a house for the dog! - Jipunya shouted cheerfully.
"But it's not that easy," Mom replied. - To do this, we must call the truck, and he will bring us a brick. And then we have to call the crane and he will help us build the roof.
- Great, - said Jipunya, - let's call the crane and the truck.
Mom called a familiar truck, and after a while a big truck brought a blue brick. Then a crane arrived, and on its hook hung special sheets of red iron for the roof.
- Well, - said the crane - now I'll help you build a roof. And everyone happily got to work. After some time, the dog house was ready.
- Look how beautiful your house is, - said Dzhipunya, - blue, and the roof is red. Like mine!
The dog ran and wagged its tail merrily. But then Jipunya and the dog noticed that there was no pussy anywhere.
- Where is our pussy? - asked Dzhipunya, and they went to look for her in the yard. After a while, in the corner of the yard, under a bush, they found a pussycat.
- What are you doing here? asked Jipunya.
- I also want a house, like a dog, - said the pussycat.
- Great, - said Dzhipunya, - we will build a house for you too. And they ran to the construction site. There, just the truck unloaded the last bricks. He lowered the body and the bricks slid to the ground. And the crane was just lowering the last two sheets of iron to the ground.
"Wait, don't leave," Jipunya shouted, "we still have to build a house for the kitty."
- Is that enough? - asked Dzhipunya - and pointed to a pile of building material.
“Of course,” the truck said.
“Of course,” said the crane, “because a pussy is even smaller than a dog.”
And everyone set to work together. After a while, a small cozy house was ready for the pussy.
So, there were three blue houses with red roofs nearby. The first house was very big. Mom and dad lived in it, and Dzhipunya, and two houses were small. One, a little bigger - for the dog, and the other, smaller - for the pussy.
Evening came. Everyone did a very good job, and Mom thanked the truck and the crane. They went to the garage, and the kitty and the dog ran to their houses, curled up comfortably there and fell asleep, and Dzhipunya went to his house.
Day three.
- Mom, when will dad come? - asked Jipunya, waking up.Mom looked at the calendar and said, "Dad is coming today."
-That's great! I haven't seen my dad for such a long time - said Dzhipunya and drove out into the street.
There was already a dog and a pussy sitting and basking in the sun.
- My dad will arrive soon, - said Dzhipunya cheerfully and began to drive around the yard.
After a while, everyone heard the sound of a motor outside the gate. The gates swung open and a big black Jeep drove into the yard. It was Jeepuni's dad.
- Dad! Dad! My dad has arrived! - Jipunya shouted joyfully and drove up to the Jeep.
- I haven't seen you in such a long time!
“Well,” Dad laughed, “not so long ago. Just a week.
And they went to their house. Jipuna wanted to be with her dad and talk about her adventures.
Soon mom, dad and Jipunya appeared in the yard.
- Dad, look, these are my new friends: a pussy and a dog. They will now live here.
“Good,” said dad. It's good to have friends
- Dad, can I take a walk with my friends?
- Okay, just don't go too far.
- All right, - said Dzhipunya cheerfully, opened the door, and the cat and the dog jumped into his booth.
They drove out the gate. Dzhipunya rode along the path, and the kitty and the dog turned their heads in different directions.
“Oh, look what a big red car,” the dog suddenly shouted.
- This is a fire truck, it puts out a fire.
- And look, what a big car!
- It's not a car, it's a bus. He transports people.
So they rode along the path and talked.
After a while, the pussy asked: “Jipunya, look what's flashing? A red flashlight."
- It's not a flashlight, it's a traffic light. We will stop now, because at a red light everyone must stop. And on the green light all the cars go.
- Look! - after a while the dog exclaimed, - what is it on fire? Green arrow. Let's go there.
"Good," said Jipunya cheerfully, and they turned to the right.
After a while, a green arrow came on at another traffic light, and they turned left.
So they rode, turning now to the right, then to the left.
Neither Jipunya nor his friends noticed how they soon found themselves in a completely unfamiliar place. The asphalt road ended, tall big houses too, and ahead they saw a large field, and to the right a beautiful lake.
- Where are we? - the kitty asked frightened, and Dzhipunya answered: “Nothing, it's interesting. Let's go to the lake." And went to the lake.
Dog and pussy jumped out of the cabin and ran to the water.
- Oh, - said the kitty, - and I'm afraid of water.
- And I'm not afraid at all, - said the dog and jumped into the lake. She rowed with her paws, splashed and snorted.
- I want that too, - said Dzhipunya and went to the water.
- Don't, don't, - the kitty was frightened. - You can not swim.
- Nothing, - said Dzhipunya, - I'm just a little, - and drove into the water.
But the bottom of the lake was sandy. The sand began to part under the weight of the Jeepuni, and he began to sink into the sand.
- Oh, oh, oh! - shouted Dzhipunya, - I think I'm drowning. And began to slowly sink into the water.
The dog jumped out of the water and screamed: “Help! Help!"
Kitty also started waving her paws and screaming: “Help! Help!"
After a while, they saw a tractor driving across the field. The tractor was large and had a hook hanging from the back.
“What happened?” the tractor asked in a bass voice.
- Help! Save me! - shouted the kitty and the dog, - Dzhipunya is drowning.
- Yes ... - said the tractor, - this is not very good, but I have a cable, - and quickly extended the end of the cable to the dog. The dog boldly jumped into the water and tied a cable to the bumper. It's good that the Jeepuni had a very strong bumper.
So, - the tractor continued in a bass voice, - but tie this end to my big hook. And the dog and pussy began to tie the other end of the rope together on a hook.
The tractor started its engine and began to slowly pull out the Jeepunya. After some time, Dzhipunya was already on the shore of the lake. He was very scared. Water was dripping from everywhere.
- How can we get home now, - said the pussycat, - we have gone so far.
- Nothing, - said Dzhipunya, - I already know what color my house is, and what color my roof is. We will quickly find.
But then they saw a large jeep driving across the field. It was Jeepuni's dad.
- Dad! Dad! - Jipunya shouted joyfully.
- There you are, - said dad, - I already went to look for you. You haven't been home for a very long time.
- Aren't you going to scold me? - Jipun asked a little worried, - I drove into the water.
- Of course not. You appear to be a very brave machine. You weren't afraid to go into the water. Sometimes this can come in handy. Now I'll help you start the engine. After all, he is completely wet with you.
- Yes, - said Jipunya, - and tried to start his engine, but he did not want to start, because Jipunya was very, very wet.
Finally, with the help of dad, the engine started, and the kitty and the dog jumped into the cabin. Jeepunya and dad thanked the tractor and drove home.
- It's good that you came, - said Dzhipunya to dad, - now I know how hard it is to start the engine when you get wet! I wouldn't have started without you!
Of course, you guys know yourself that in every police station several policemen are on duty all night in case something happens: say, robbers climb into someone or just evil people want to offend someone. That's why the police do not sleep all night long; some sit on duty, while others - they are called patrols - go on patrol through the streets and look after robbers, thieves, ghosts and other evil spirits.
And when these patrolmen's legs hurt, they return to duty, and others go to replace them. This continues until the very morning, and in order not to get bored in the duty room, they smoke pipes there and tell each other where they saw something interesting.
Once the policemen were sitting, smoking and talking, and then one patrolman returned, like, I mean, his ... yeah, Mr. Khalaburd, and says:
Hello guys! I report that my legs already hurt!
Sit down, - the senior duty officer ordered him, - instead of you, Pan Golas will go around. And you tell us what's new in your area and what happened.
Nothing special happened tonight, says Khalaburd. - Two cats fought on Shtepanskaya Street, so I dispersed them in the name of the law and issued a warning. Then on Zhitnaya Street he called firefighters with a ladder to put the little sparrow in the nest. His parents were also warned to take better care of their children. And then, as I was walking down Yachnaya Street, someone pulled my pants. I look, and this is a brownie. You know, the mustachioed one from Charles Square.
Which? - asked the senior duty officer. - Several of them live there: Mylnousik, Kuryanozhka, Kvachek, nicknamed the Pipe, Peanut, Pumprdlik, Shmidrkal, Padrgolets and Tintera - he recently moved there.
The brownie who pulled my trousers, - answered Khalaburd, - was Padrgolets, who lives on that, you know, old willow.
Ah! - said the senior officer. - This, guys, is a very, very decent brownie. When something is lost on Charles Square - well, there, a ring, a ball, an apricot, or at least a candy - he will always bring it and hand it over to the guard, as a decent person should. Well, well, tell me.
And this Padrgolets, - continued Khalaburd, - says to me: "Sir on duty, I can't get home! A squirrel climbed into my apartment on a willow and won't let me in!" I pulled out a saber, went with Padrgolts to his willow and ordered the squirrel in the name of the law to continue not to allow such actions, misconduct and crimes as violation of public order, violence and arbitrariness, and suggested that she immediately leave the premises.
The squirrel answered this: "After the rain!" Then I took off my belt and cloak and climbed onto the willow. When I got to the hollow in which Pan Padrgolets lives, the squirrel in question began to cry: "Sir Boss, please don't take me! "Madam," I tell her, "gather your nuts or whatever you have there and immediately clean out Pan Padrgolts's apartment! And if you are ever noticed that you have arbitrarily, by violence or cunning, without permission and consent, invaded someone else's home , - I will call for reinforcements, we will surround you, arrest you and send you bound to the police station! Do you understand?" Here, brothers, is all that I have seen tonight.
And I’ve never seen a single brownie in my life, - Bambas, the duty officer, gave a voice. - I still served in Dejvitsy, but there, in these new houses, no such ghosts, fabulous creatures, or, as they say, supernatural phenomena are observed.
There are plenty of them, - said the senior duty officer. - And before how many there were, wow! For example, at the Shitkovsky dam from time immemorial the water has been living. True, the police never had to deal with him, he was quite a decent waterman. Here is Libensky the waterman - that old sinner, and Shitkovsky was a very decent guy! The Prague water supply department even appointed him the chief city waterman and paid a salary. This Shitkovsky waterman watched the Vltava, so that it would not dry out. And he did not arrange floods. Floods were made by water from the upper Vltava - well, there are Vydersky, Krumlovsky and Zvikovsky. But Libensky, out of envy, persuaded him to demand the rank and position of an adviser from the magistrate for his work; and he was refused a magistrate - they say he does not have a higher education, then Shitkovsky the waterman was offended and moved to Dresden. Now it's running water. It's no secret to anyone that in Germany all the watermen on the Elbe are entirely Czechs! And at the Shitkovskaya dam since then there was no water left. That is why in Prague sometimes there is not enough water ...
And at Charles Square they danced at night the Lights. But since it was indecent and people were afraid of them, the city administration concluded an agreement with them that they would move to the park and there an employee of the gas company would light them up in the evening and extinguish them in the morning. But when the war began, this employee was drafted into the army, and so the affair with the Lights was forgotten.
And as for the mermaids, there were seventeen tails in Stromovka alone; but three of them went to ballet, one went to the cinema, and one married some railway worker from Strsovice.
In total, the brownies and gnomes attached to public buildings, monasteries, parks and libraries registered with the police, in Prague, there are three hundred and forty-six pieces, not counting the brownies in private houses, about which there is no exact information. There were a lot of ghosts in Prague, but now they are finished, because it is scientifically proven that there are no ghosts. Only in Mala Strana, some people still secretly and illegally keep one or two ghosts in the attics, as a colleague from the Malaya Strana police commissariat told me here. That's all, as far as I know.
Apart from that dragon, or, like him, a snake, - the guard Kubat raised his voice, - which was killed on Zizkov.
Zizkov? - said the elder. - This is not my area. Otrodu was not on duty there. That's probably why I never heard of a dragon.
And I personally participated in this case, - said the guard Kubat. - True, in general, colleague Vokoun investigated the case and conducted the operation. It's all been so long ago. So, one evening, one old aunt said to this Vokoun - it was Pani Chastkova, she sold cigarettes, but, in fact, she was, I must tell you, a witch, a sorceress, or, rather, a fortune-teller. In a word, this Pani Chastkova says that she guessed on the cards that the dragon Guldabord is holding in captivity a beautiful maiden whom he stole from her parents, and this maiden, they say, is a Murtian princess.
“Murtian or not Murtian,” Vokoun’s colleague said, “and the dragon must return the girl to her parents, otherwise he will be dealt with according to the charter, instructions and instructions, as well as official orders!” He said so, girded himself with a state-owned saber - and march to look for the dragon. Any; Of course, I would have done it in his place.
Still would! said guard Bambas. - But I didn't see any dragons in Dejvice or Stršovice. Well, go on.
And so, it means that colleague Vokoun, - continued Kubat, - having seized edged weapons, went, that means, right at night to the Jewish ovens. And, to fail me, I suddenly hear: in one pit or there in a cave, someone is talking in a terrible bass. He shone with a service flashlight and sees: a terrible dragon with seven heads sits in a cave; and all these heads immediately talk, ask, answer, and some even swear! You know, these dragons have no manners, and if they do, then only the nastiest ones. And in the corner of the cave, indeed, a beautiful maiden is crying, plugging her ears so as not to hear the dragon heads talking all at once in a bass voice.
"Hey you, citizen," Vokoun's colleague said to the dragon - politely, but with official rigor, - present your documents! Do you have any papers: an official ID, a passport, an identity card, a certificate of employment or other documents? Then one dragon head laughed, the second began to blaspheme, the third to swear, the fourth scolded, the fifth teased, the sixth grimaced, and the seventh showed his tongue to Vokoun.
But colleague Vokoun did not lose his head and shouted loudly: "In the name of the law, pack up and go immediately with me to the police! And you, girl, too!" “Look what you wanted!” one of the dragon heads shouted. “Do you know, human midge, who I am? I am the dragon Guldabord!” "Guldabord from the Granada Mountains!" growled the second head.
"Also referred to as the Great Mulgatzen Serpent!" - added the third.
"And I'll swallow you!" the fourth barked. "Like raspberries!" "I'll tear you to shreds, grind you to powder, smash you to smithereens, and in addition, I'll knock the breath out of you!" boomed the fifth.
"And I'll turn your head!" - grumbled the sixth. "Wet place from you will not remain!" - added the seventh in a terrible voice.
What do you guys think Colleague Vokoun did here? Do you think you're scared? It wasn't there! When he saw that nothing good came out of it, he took his police baton and hit all the dragon heads with all his might, and he had considerable strength.
"Ah, fathers! - said the first head. - But not bad!" “My crown was itching,” added the second.
“And a midge bit me in the back of the head,” a third snorted.
"Darling," said the fourth, "tickle me with your wand again!" "Only stronger," advised the fifth, "otherwise I don't feel it!" "And to the left," demanded the sixth, "I'm itching terribly there!" “Your twig is too thin for me,” said the seventh. “Do you have anything stronger there?” Then Vokoun drew his saber and slashed at the dragon heads seven times, the scales rattling on them.
"That's a little better," said the first dragon head.
"At least he cut off the ear of one flea," the second was delighted, "I have steel fleas!" “And they pulled out that hair that tickled me so much,” says the third.
"And I got a pimple," boasted the fourth.
"You can brush my hair with this comb every day!" the fifth muttered.
“But I didn’t notice this fluff,” said the sixth.
"My little gold," said the seventh head, "pat me one more time!" Then Vokoun drew his official revolver and fired a bullet into each dragon's head.
“Damn!” the Serpent yelled. “Don’t pour sand into me, it will get into my hair! Ugh, a speck of dust flew into my eye! And something got stuck in my teeth! Well, it’s time and honor to know!” the dragon roared, coughing with all seven throats, and from all seven of its mouths flames hit Vokouna.
Colleague Vokoun was not afraid; he took out a service manual and quickly read what a policeman is supposed to do when he is confronted by superior enemy forces; there it was said that in such cases reinforcements should be called. Then he looked at the instructions for what to do in the event of a fire; it said to call the fire brigade. After reading it, he began to act according to the instructions - he called reinforcements from the police and the fire brigade by phone.
Just six of us came running to help: colleagues Rabas, Matas, Golas, Kudlas, Firbas and myself. Colleague Vokoun told us: “Guys, we need to free the girl from the power of this dragon. This dragon, alas, is armored, so the saber does not take it, but I found that it has a softer place on its neck so that it can tilt head. So, when I say three, you all hit the dragon in the neck with your saber. But first, the firemen must put out this flame so that it does not scorch our uniforms! " Before he had time to say this, he heard: "Tra-ra-ra!" - and seven fire trucks with seven firefighters arrived at the scene.
“Firemen, attention!” Vokoun called out in a valiant voice. “When I say “three”, each of you will shoot from a hose straight into the dragon's mouth; try to get into the throat - that's where the flame beats. So, attention: one, two , three!" And as soon as he said: "Three!" - firefighters let seven jets of water straight into the seven dragon's mouths, from which flames were beating like from an autogenous burner. Shhh!.. Well, it hissed! The dragon choked and choked, coughed and sneezed, hissed and wheezed, snored and cursed, spat and snorted, shouted "mother" and thrashed around with its tail, but the firefighters did not give up and poured and poured water, until from the seven dragon mouths instead of fire it fell steam, like from a steam locomotive, so that it was impossible to see anything even two steps away. Then the steam dissipated, the firemen stopped the water, the siren blared, and they rushed home, and the dragon, all limp and lethargic, only snorted, spat, wiped his eyes and grumbled: “Wait, guys, I won’t let this go!” But then colleague Vokoun shouted: "Attention, brothers: one, two, three!" And as soon as he said "three", we all slashed our sabers on the seven dragon necks and seven heads flew to the ground, and water gushed out of the seven chopped off necks like from a column - so much of it poured into this dragon!
"Now let's go to that Murtian princess," Vokoun said. "Just be careful, don't splash your uniforms!" “Thank you, valiant knight,” said the girl, “for freeing me from the power of this Serpent. I was playing volleyball, tag and hide and seek with my friends in the Murtian park, when this fat old Serpent flew in and carried me without stops right here!" "And how did you fly, young lady?" Vokoun inquired.
"Through Algiers and Malta, Belgrade and Vienna, Znojmo, Czeslaw, Zabeglice and Strasnice right here in thirty-two hours seventeen minutes and five seconds free-net!" said the Murtian princess.
“It turns out that this dragon broke the record for flying at a distance with a passenger?” Vokoun’s colleague was surprised. “I congratulate you, young lady! And now you should telegraph your father to send someone for you.”
Before he could finish speaking, a car pulled up. From it jumped the king of Murtiana with a crown on his head, all in ermine and velvet. For joy, he jumped on one leg and shouted: "My dear child, at last I found you!" "Wait a minute, Your Grace," Wokoun interrupted. You've exceeded the speed limit in your car. Do you understand? Pay the seven kroner fine! The Murtian king began to fumble in all his pockets, muttering: “Well, what a donkey I am! I took with me seven hundred doubloons, piastres and ducats, one thousand pesetas, three thousand six hundred francs, three hundred dollars, eight hundred and twenty five hellers, and now I have not a penny, not a penny, not a penny in my pocket! Apparently, I spent everything on the way on gasoline and fines for driving at an illegal speed. Noble knights, I will send these seven crowns with my vizier! " Then the Murcian king cleared his throat, put his hand on his chest and turned to Vokoun: "Both your uniform and your stately appearance tell me that you are either a glorious warrior, or a prince, or, finally, a statesman. For the fact that you freed my daughter and stabbed the terrible Mulgatsen Serpent, I should have offered you her hand, but I see a wedding ring on your left hand, from which I conclude that you are married. Do you have any children?" "Yes," answered Vokoun. "There is a three-year-old son and a daughter, still breastfeeding."
“Congratulations,” said the Murtian king. “But I only have this girl. Wait a minute! I thought: then I’ll give you half of my Murtian kingdom! roads, plus twelve thousand kilometers of highways and twenty-two million seven hundred fifty thousand nine hundred and eleven residents of both sexes. “Sir King,” Vokoun replied, “there is a hitch here. My comrades and I killed the dragon while on duty, because he disobeyed the authorities and refused to go with me to the police, resisting. And while on duty, none of us has the right to accept no awards or gifts, under any circumstances! This is prohibited!" “Ah!” said the Murtian king. “But then I could present this half of the Murtian kingdom with all its household as a gift to the entire Prague police, as a token of my royal gratitude.”
“It doesn’t matter where it goes,” Vokoun said, “but even here there is some difficulty. We have all of Prague under surveillance, right up to the city limits. Can you imagine how much trouble and running around we have? to look after, we avoid so much that we won’t feel our feet under us. Sir king, we thank you very, very much, but Prague is enough for us! “Well, then,” said the king of Murcia, “I will give you, brothers, a pack of tobacco, which I took with me on the road. This is real Murtian tobacco, and it will be enough for just seven pipes, if only you don’t stuff them too much. Well, daughter, let's get in the car and let's go!" And when he drove off, we, that is, colleagues Rabas, Gol as, Matas, Kudlas, Firbas, Vokoun and I, went to the duty room and stuffed our pipes with this Murtian tobacco. Guys, I'll tell you, I've never smoked such tobacco! It was not very strong, but it smelled of honey, tea, vanilla, cinnamon, cloves, incense and bananas, but it’s a pity that our pipes were very smoky, so we didn’t feel this aroma ...
They wanted to give the dragon to the museum, but when they came for it, it all turned into jelly - right, because it got so wet and got water ...
That's all I know.
When Kubat finished the tale of the dragon in Zizkov, all the guards smoked silently for some time: apparently, they were thinking about Murtian tobacco. Then Hoder's guard spoke up:
Since colleague Kubat told you about the Zizkov dragon, I will tell you about the dragon from Voiteshskaya Street. I was somehow walking along Voiteshskaya Street and suddenly, can you imagine, I see on the corner, near the church, a huge egg. So hefty that it wouldn’t even fit into my helmet, and heavy, heavy, as if made of marble.
“That’s the thing,” I say to myself, “it’s nothing but an ostrich egg or something like that!
Pour's colleague worked in that department then; his lower back ached from a cold, and therefore he heated the stove so that it was hot in the rooms, like in a chimney, like in an oven, or like in a dryer!
Hello, Pour, - I say, - it's hot here, like a damn grandmother on the stove! I report that I found some kind of testicle on Voiteshskaya Street.
So stick it somewhere, - says Pour, - and sit down, I'll tell you what I've suffered from this lower back!
Well, we talked about this and that - it was already getting dark, and suddenly we hear some kind of crunch and crack in the corner. We turned on the light, we look - and a dragon crawls out of the egg. Not otherwise, as the heat worked! He was no larger than, to say, a fox terrier, but it was a snake, we immediately understood this, because he had seven heads. No one would be wrong here.
That's the number, - said Pour, - what do we do with it? To the knacker, or what, call to pick him up?
Hey, Pour, I tell him, the dragon is a very rare animal. I think we should advertise in the newspaper. The owner will be found.
Okay, Pour said. “But what are we going to feed him for now?” Let's try to crumble some bread into his milk. Milk is healthier for kids! We crumbled seven rolls into seven liters of milk, You should have seen how our little dragon pounced on the treat! The heads pushed each other away from the bowl, growled at each other and lapped so that the whole office was sprayed. Then one by one they licked their lips and went to bed. Then Pour locked the snake in the room where all the things lost and found in Prague lay, and gave the following announcement to the newspapers: “A dragon puppy, just hatched from an egg, was found on Voiteshskaya Street. Signs: seven-headed, in yellow and black spots. Owner Please contact the police at the Lost and Found Department.
When Pour came to his office in the morning, all he could say was:
Fir-trees-sticks, fathers of light, thunder and lightning, so that you fail, not a bottom, not a tire, damn you, to say the least!
After all, this same snake ate all the things that were lost and found in Prague during the night: rings and watches, wallets, wallets and notebooks, balls, pencils, pencil cases, pens, textbooks and balls for the game, buttons, brushes and gloves, and in addition everything government folders, acts, protocols and filings - in a word, everything that was in Pour's office, including his pipe, a charcoal shovel and a ruler with which Pour lined paper. This creature ate so much that it became twice as tall, and some heads even felt bad from this gluttony.
It won't work like that, - said Pour, - I can't keep such a beast here!
And he called the Society for the Protection of Animals, so that the aforementioned Society generously provided a place for a dragon cub, as it cares for homeless dogs and cats. Please, - answered the Society and took the baby dragon to their shelter. “You just need to know,” it continued, “what, in fact, these dragons eat. Not a word about it in biology textbooks!
We decided to test this by experience and began to feed the baby dragon with milk, sausages, eggs, carrots, porridge and chocolate, goose blood and caterpillars, hay and peas, gruel, grain and sausage by special order, rice and millet, sugar and potatoes, and even pretzels. . The dragon wrote everything; and besides, he ate from them all the books, newspapers, pictures, door bolts, and generally everything that they had there; and he grew so that he soon became more than a St. Bernard.
And then a telegram came to the name of the Society from distant Bucharest, in which it was written in magic letters:
The dragon cub is an enchanted person. Details in person. I will come for the next three hundred years.
Wizard Bosco.
Then the Society for the Protection of Animals scratched its head and said:
If this dragon is an enchanted person, then this is not our part and we cannot keep him. We need to send him to an orphanage or an orphanage!
But orphanages and orphanages responded:
No, if a person is turned into an animal, then this is no longer a person, but an animal, and it is not we who deal with it, but the Society for the Protection of Animals!
And they could not agree; as a result, neither the Society nor the orphanages wanted to keep a dragon, and the poor dragon became so upset that he stopped eating; his third, fifth and seventh heads were especially sad.
And there was one small, thin man in that Society, modest and inconspicuous, like a mouse, his name was somehow on N: Novachek, or Nerad, or Nogale ... no, his name was Trutina! And when this Trutina saw how the dragon heads dry one after another from grief, he said:
Dear Society! Man or beast, I'm ready to take this dragon home and take good care of it!
Everyone here said:
Very well!
And Trutina took the dragon to his home. I must admit, he took care of the dragon, as promised, in good faith, fed him, scratched and stroked:
Trutina was very fond of animals. In the evenings, returning from work, he would take the dragon for a walk so that it would warm up a bit, and the dragon would run after him like a dog, wagging its tail.
He responded to the nickname Amin.
One evening the flayer noticed them and said:
Pan Trutina, what kind of animal is this? If it is a wild animal, a predator or something else, then it cannot be driven through the streets; and if it is a dog, then you must buy a dog tag and a collar!
This is a dog of a rare breed, - answered Trutina, - the so-called dragon pinscher, or seven-headed serpent dog. Really, Amina?.. Don't hesitate, pan flayer, I'll buy her a number and a collar!
And Trutina bought Amina a dog number, although he, poor thing, had to pay the last money for him.
But soon the flayer met him again and said:
This is not the case, Mr. Trutina! Since your dog has seven heads, then there should be seven tokens and seven collars, because, according to the rules, a number must hang on each dog neck!
Pan flayer, - Trutina objected, - but Amina has a number on her middle neck!
It doesn't matter, - said the flayer, - after all, the remaining six heads run around without collars and numbers, like stray dogs! I won't stand it! We'll have to take your dog!
Wait three more days, - Trutina pleaded, - I will buy Amina numbers!
And he went home sad, very sad, because he didn’t have a penny.
At home he almost cried, he was so bitter; he sat and imagined how the flayer would take him to Amina, sell him to the circus, or even kill him. And, hearing him sigh, the dragon came up to him and laid all seven heads on his knees and looked into his eyes with his beautiful, sad eyes; such beautiful, almost human eyes every animal has when it looks at a person with trust and love.
I won’t give you to anyone, Amina, - said Trutina and stroked the dragon on all seven heads.
Then he took a watch - his father's inheritance, took his festive suit and best shoes, sold everything and borrowed some money, and with all this money he bought six dog numbers and collars and hung it around his dragon's neck. When he took Amina out for a walk again, all the tokens were jingling and jingling like a sleigh with bells was driving.
But on the same evening, the owner of the house where he lived came to Trutin and said:
Pan Trutina, I don't like your dog! True, I don’t understand dogs, but people say that this is a dragon, and I will not tolerate dragons in my house!
Sir is the master, - said Trutina, - after all, Amina does not touch anyone!
It's not my business! the homeowner said. - Dragons are not kept in decent houses, period! If you do not throw this dog out, then from the first day, take the trouble to vacate the apartment! I warned you, and for this I have the honor to bow! And he slammed the door behind him.
You see, Amina, - Trutina cried, - they are also kicking us out of the house! But I still won't give you up!
The dragon quietly approached him, and his eyes shone so wonderfully that Trutina was completely moved.
Well, well, old man, - he said, - you know that I love you!
The next day, deeply preoccupied, he went to work (he served as a clerk in some bank). And suddenly his boss called him to him.
Sir Trutina, - said the chief, - I am not interested in your personal affairs, but strange rumors have reached me that you are keeping a dragon! Just think about it! None of your superiors keep dragons! It could afford unless some king or sultan, and certainly not a simple employee! You, pan Trutina, obviously live beyond your means! Either you get rid of this dragon, or I will get rid of you from the first day!
Pan chief, - said Trutina quietly, but firmly, - I will not give Amin to anyone!
And he went home so sad that he can’t tell in a fairy tale or describe with a pen.
He sat down on a chair at home, neither alive nor dead from grief, and tears flowed from his eyes. And suddenly he felt that the dragon laid his head on his knees. Through his tears, he did not see anything, but only stroked the dragon's heads and whispered:
Don't be afraid. Amina, I will not leave you.
And suddenly it seemed to him that Amina's head had become soft and curly. He wiped away his tears, looked - and instead of a dragon, a beautiful girl kneels before him and gently looks into his eyes.
Fathers! Trutina shouted. - Where is Amina?
I am Princess Amina, - answered the beauty. - Until this moment I was a dragon - they turned me into a dragon because I was proud and angry. But now I'll be meek as a lamb!
The wizard Bosco stood at the door.
You freed her, pan Trutina, - he said. - Love always frees people and animals from evil spells.
That's how great it turned out, right guys? And the father of this girl asks you to immediately come to his kingdom and take his throne. So live, otherwise we won’t be late for the train!
That's the end of the story with the dragon from Voiteshskaya street, - finished Hodera. - If. If you don't believe me, ask Pour.
This fairy tale about cars will appeal to both boys and girls of any age. The essence of the story is to explain to the kid that even if you are small, you can do big and great things, as well as help your neighbor. It is not always easy for a child to be in the company of adult children, for example, at school or at home with older brothers and sisters. He may feel that his opinion is not always significant for parents and others, because he is still small. But the fairy tale about cars will help the children to be kind and responsive, despite their early age.
A fairy tale for boys and girls about cars
"Beeb and the City of Big Machines"
In the city of "Auto" there are many different cars: tractors, bulldozers, dump trucks, trucks and other large cars. All machines are proud of their large size, their strength and power, and the fact that they can carry a lot of useful things.
Here is a dump truck named Val - very useful. Every day he carries materials for the construction of new roads. And Traktor Tyrchik clears the area for the construction of a bridge over the highway. Bulldozer, whose name is Bull, demolishes old garages - houses to build new housing for cars. Everyone considered himself an integral part of the city and everyone knew his calling. Everyone except Bib.
Beebe came to town quite recently. He came to Auto from the city of small racing cars to find out how other cars live. He was immediately accepted as a stranger, because he was so different from others. At first, baby Bib was simply ignored, not considered someone important, then they began to openly make fun of him.
“Bib, what are those buttons under your hood?” Val asked. Oh, those are your wheels! he added.
All the other machines laughed. But Bib did not fall for the provocation and drove on. He met Tyrchik.
- Bib, why do you need such small headlights, do you really see something with them? - Tyrchik teased insultingly.
Beeb came to the Bulldozer to ask if he needed his help in building new garages. But then something happened that he did not expect. Little Beebe got stuck in the mud, which Buhl worked with ease.
Buhl got angry that he distracted him from work.
- Not enough for you? You can’t help in any way, and you also distract others from the work? What's the point of you anyway? You better stay in your little racing car town! Bull said rudely, pulling the machine out of the mud.
Then Bib was quite upset. It just ruins everyone's life. Then he decided that it was time for him to leave the city and return to his place.
Returning to his garage, Beebe saw a big commotion. Large machines decided something and actively argued. Beebe rode closer to them to find out what happened.
“Go away, you’re only getting in the way.” And we need to decide how to save Furu - someone from the crowd said.
A wagon is a large machine that carried especially heavy loads. As it turned out, she got stuck under the bridge that Bul and Tyrchik were building. They did not calculate the height of the bridge and the Truck got stuck.
Someone offered to break the roof of Furya, but others considered it a completely inhuman act. After all, Furya will have to be treated for a long time after this and replace many parts.
Others suggested breaking the bridge. But then we would have to build a new one, and that would take a lot of time.
Then Beebe exclaimed: I know what to do!
The machines did not take seriously the words of the kid and began to continue to argue.
Then Beebe began to honk his horn, so loudly that all the cars began to look at him attentively.
“Comrades, you can just lower the wheels of the Fourth and ride it on a cable,” Beebe continued.
The cars were surprised at the ingenuity of the boy, but still decided to listen, because the decision of the racing car was the most effective. Then everyone decided to urgently go to Fura to rescue her.
Beebe arrived first, because he was the fastest of the cars. He punctured Fouret's tires and she felt much better. Now it remains only to wait for the help of large machines with cables.
The rest of the cars arrived, pulled Fura out from under the bridge and took him to change the wheels.
Since then, there was something for Bib in the city of Auto - he was an ambulance for other cars. After all, not only the speed of its wheels was fast, but also ingenuity.
