Our world, with its crazy pace of life, feminization, seems to have completely forgotten how they used to strictly follow the rules of etiquette. I would like to believe that good manners and politeness in communication between people have not yet lost their significance.
It is impossible not to agree with the folk wisdom that they are greeted by clothes, but they are escorted by the mind, but it may not reach the last if the acquaintance turns out to be crumpled and chaotic. The effectiveness of the first conversation depends on a number of factors: demeanor and etiquette. Someone may ignore excessive assertiveness, but someone will not like it and there will be no talk of continuing the acquaintance.
You can say hello, or wink, or exchange a kiss, but sometimes you can’t do without traditional handshake. The latter is used not only for greetings, but also at parting, during congratulations, as a sign of approval, the conclusion of a certain agreement or reconciliation. This article will discuss the rules for shaking hands during a greeting.
Story
According to one version, handshake appeared in primitive warlike times, according to another - during knightly tournaments. However, the essence of this gesture has always been the same: the men wanted to testify the absence of any weapon, which is why they gave their right hand.
Evidence of a more ancient origin of the handshake is that in Greek art, figures of people shaking hands are found as early as the fifth century BC. e. In literary sources, the handshake is mentioned in the first century AD in Ovid's poem Metamorphoses. But this is the story of a male handshake, with a female one everything is much more complicated. As early as the 19th century, it was not common. The "Rules of social life and etiquette" (published in 1889 in St. Petersburg) said that a lady should not shake a man's hand, but only give him hers and touch his palm with her fingertips.
Among women, the custom is to shake hands coincides in time with their entry into the workplace in the 1970s.
Types of handshakes
In the book "Ladies' Etiquette. The Modern Woman's Guide, Helen Brown, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, lists several types of handshakes:
- traditional - an ordinary strong handshake;
- French - the interlocutors squeeze each other's wrists;
- comradely - weave hands;
- old-fashioned "feel me" - on the go, their palms barely touch and continue to move.
By pressing and turning the palms, an authoritative, submissive and equal handshake is distinguished. There is also a glove handshake (also called the "politician's handshake") - both hands are involved in the process - but this style is only acceptable in very close business relationships.
So, the handshake should not be too relaxed, as well as overly strong. Women should remember that if in ordinary life a delicate handshake with the fingertips looks quite acceptable, then in a work environment it will mean shyness and some neuroticism. A strong (but not crunchy!) handshake indicates friendliness and sociability, a principled position in life.
By the way, the SC&C International Agency, conducting a study on the health of European men and women over 50, came to the conclusion that the strongest handshake in Czech women. The second place was taken by the Germans, and the third by the Austrians. It was noted that French and Spanish women have tender hands. And what about the Russian women, who will enter a burning hut and stop a galloping horse? I'm sure they would definitely take first place in this ranking (although is it really necessary?), but Russian women are not used to shaking someone's hand. It seems to be nothing terrible, but refusal to shake hands in European society is considered an insult. That's it.
Back to the handshake process
Do not do it:
- firstly, shake the partner's hand in the air, a slight wiggle is enough,
- secondly, shake hands with both hands, unless you are in a very close relationship with a partner, otherwise it looks like fawning;
- thirdly, to delay the process too much: the optimal duration of a handshake is 3-5 seconds.
The hand must be given confidently, freely, without forgetting about elegance, after all, we are women and in any situation we must look spectacular. And do not forget that the eyes are the window to the soul, so if you want to show your sincerity, look your partner in the eyes and smile while shaking hands.
With gloves or without?
When greeting, a woman may not take off her glove - the only exception is a meeting with a woman much older than herself. But the handshake will still be more sincere if there are no obstacles between the hands of the partners. Not to mention the fact that, for example, it is inconvenient to greet people in thick mittens or fur leather gloves, so it’s better to take them off.
And, of course, it should be remembered that if you have already removed the glove from one hand, then you need to expose the other. Naturally, we are not talking about gloves (like, cloth, silk), which are part of the evening dress.
Who will be the first to give a hand?
It is the woman who decides whether to shake hands with a man or not, but besides gender differences, there are others. Remember, the first to give a hand:
- a) senior in age;
- b) senior in position;
- c) passing by the group.
So if the initiative must come from another person who does not show a desire to shake your hand, you should not insist. In this case, it is better to accept the rules of someone else's game.
Rules
In addition to the rule that determines who will be the first to give a hand, there are several that must be followed:
- 1. If you are sitting and a hand is offered to you, you can not get up, unless the interlocutor is a woman older in age or position.
- 2. Even if you are left-handed, you still need to give your right hand to shake hands. However, if the right hand is occupied or damaged, you can file, after apologizing, the left hand. In this case, the free hand should not lie in the pocket.
- 3. If you met a friend in the company of people and decided to shake his hand, you should greet everyone in the same way.
- 4. Couples who greet each other with a handshake to avoid crossed hands do it in this order: first the ladies greet each other, then the men, and everything ends with a strong male handshake.
give a hand it is necessary at the last moment of the presentation or greeting - you should not go through the entire hall with an outstretched hand. It is also not customary to shake hands across the table.
And remember, if you are hosting a reception, you will have to shake hands with everyone invited. And if you came to visit, you will have to shake hands to greet even the one with whom you are currently in a quarrel.
Cultural Features
In post-Soviet countries handshake mainly used in business, although not excluded in everyday life.
in Muslim countries no handshake allowed between a woman and a man. Islam does not accept even a brief contact between people of different sexes, unless they are related by blood ties, remember this both when traveling and when meeting representatives of these countries. A similar prohibition is contained in Judaism.
Not accepted to shake hands and among the peoples of Southeast Asia. And in Japan, a handshake is generally considered a foreign gesture, especially for women. Scientists explain this attitude to the handshake by the fact that the Japanese avoid a direct look, which is inevitable when shaking hands, and they also do not like the way they touch each other.
In the UK, shaking hands when greeting is nowhere near as popular as in other European countries or America. The British rarely shake hands with each other when they meet and almost never do it when they say goodbye. But if they do, then unlike our rules of etiquette, a man should initiate a handshake.
Increased interest in shaking hands observed in Germany: Germans like to shake hands at every opportunity. Like, for example, the Swiss, for whom a handshake is an indispensable element of a personal meeting.
How can you get around such a custom as kissing a woman's hand? Who does not dream of such worship of male lips? Even now, when this custom in the post-Soviet countries is becoming a thing of the past, it is very common in the West.
If you like to be kissed on your hand, be sure to visit Poland: a true Pole will kiss a woman's hand at every meeting and parting.
Remember: you should not stretch out your hand for a kiss on the street; do it indoors. If it so happened that they extended their hand to a man, and instead of shaking hands, he decided to kiss her (if only there were more of them!), You should not pull her away, from the outside it doesn’t look very nice. And if you don't want a repeat of this situation, cross that man's name off your "handshake list."
And the most important thing. You should not raise your hand to the face of a man, demanding a kiss, let the interlocutor have a choice: kiss or still shake.
Finally, I would like to note: if you do not know what the rules of etiquette prescribe in a given situation, just be polite. As in the case if the hand you extended for a handshake was not accepted. These are problems of education, fortunately, not yours. Take it easy.
H and today there is such a thing called "friendship between a man and a woman." And speaking of her, we mean real bright and sincere feelings between people of different sexes. However, as the psychology of friendship claims, this is a myth. After all, a man and a woman will never become friends just like that.
Such a “friendship” can only arise if they are subconsciously sexually attracted to each other. It is quite obvious that a person will not be friends and communicate with those for whom he does not feel any sympathy, with those who are disgusting and unpleasant to him.
Thus, friendship between guys and men, girls and women will not exist if there is no sympathy between people on a subconscious level. The described fact is confirmed by studies of professional psychologists. Let's look at the available evidence.
Psychologists confidently declare that even the so-called "male" friendship also does not exist without a subconscious sexual attraction. And hidden sympathy always exists. Friendships between girls and women are similar. In this case, the erotic, sexual aspect is veiled. And the choice of a friend or girlfriend is not based on our consciousness, but on the subconscious.
After all, no sane person will ever say that he is friends with that guy (how to please a guy) or with that girl, because he feels some kind of sexual attraction to him (her).
A person will only say: “I just like him (a)!” Thus, the above confirms that friendship, both between men and between women, does not exist. Moreover, heterosexual friendship is completely excluded.
According to psychology, there is a subconscious, and not fully conscious, attraction of a sexual nature. This attraction is the basis of friendship between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a man, which sometimes develop into any. Therefore, the fact of the existence of friendly relations between a man and a woman can be easily refuted. There is only a relationship that, over time, will easily help grow from “simple acquaintances” into a “couple in love”.
Scientists claim that both between men and between women, there has already been an experience of sexual intercourse in life. We are talking about lesbian love, which manifests itself in the form of hugs, kisses, holding each other's hands. Similar behavior can be observed between males. This is the so-called form of homosexual love. They exchange strong handshakes, hug each other, pat on the back or shoulder, touch each other. And all this comes only from the subconscious.
Whether it is friendship between a girl and a girl, between guys, between a guy and a girl, it is important to realize that it happens because they sympathize with each other. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So it was, is and always will be. Here is such an interesting point of view of experts on the psychology of friendship. The main thing is not to be mistaken in your feelings and not to confuse friendship with bright and pure love.
- seems to be an elementary gesture, and for many it is only a formality, but it plays an important role in our life, and it must be treated carefully. A handshake can indicate your interest in a person, or a lack of any interest, express confidence or signal weakness, it can show warmth, openness and honesty, or a desire to hide something. The handshake is a very informative gesture, with your handshake you send a subtle but very powerful message about who you are and what your intentions are.
The history of the handshake is as old as the world, it has its roots in the distant past. In primitive society, the custom of shaking hands (stretching the right hand for greeting) became a symbol of goodwill and respect, people holding out their hand showed that they had no weapons and were not aggressive. Time passed, and this gesture turned into an element of etiquette, and then into something more, it became a tool that helps us build strong and mutually beneficial relationships with people, acquire the necessary connections.
So, if you want to make a good impression, get the most out of your upcoming conversation, you need to work on your handshake. For this purpose, I suggest that you study and apply the following handshake rules in everyday life.
Handshake Rules
In fact, anyone can initiate a handshake when meeting or getting to know each other, but the rules of etiquette still introduce a number of relevant restrictions. If a person is older than you or more significant in status, you should not extend your hand first, it may hang in the air. Always evaluate the situation.
The same goes for strangers, if you are not sure whether to lend a hand to a person whom you do not know very well, it is better to wait for the moment when he himself decides to take the initiative. I remember a case from student life: A boy who came from a distant, remote village (where they don’t know about the rules, “some kind of etiquette” there) and entered the first year, trying to find friends and get to know someone, used a little excuse to to lend a hand. After two or three days, half the institute knew and avoided him. Someone at the sight of him twisted at his temple, someone laughed, in some his outstretched hand caused aggression and neglect, in others pity. Teachers even laughed at him, for whom he hunted during the day, trying to stick his hand in them. A handshake is a special sign, you should not greet everyone in this way. We strive to shake hands first of all with people significant to us and respected, those to whom we want to pay special attention.
The handshake should be strong, as a weak and sluggish handshake indicates your insecurity and lack of will, or a lack of interest and energy (sometimes people with arthritis or people whose profession is related to the work of the hands take care of them, because their handshake is weak and lethargic; if the man's handshake seemed weak to the woman, this does not always indicate condescension or lack of interest, perhaps this is a manifestation of the desire not to seem rude). But, firm handshake does not mean that you should squeeze the person's hand in a vise and try to squeeze it like a lemon. Everything should be in moderation, moderate your ardor and save your strength for the gym.
Handshake distance should be medium. When stretching out, do not stretch out your hand, as if pushing away the interlocutor (if this is not a business meeting and the person is unpleasant to you, then you can demonstrate it to him) do not pull him too close to you, as if you will not let go of him anymore (such a gesture can be used with a friendly handshake).
When shaking hands, pay attention to the dryness of your palms, because there is nothing worse when shaking hands than wet palms. Before an important meeting for you, no matter what to spoil first impression Wash your hands and keep your palms open before shaking hands. Do not clench your fists, otherwise your palms will heat up and sweat. Well, or keep a paper napkin in your pocket, it will help remove excess moisture, and you can always lend a dry hand to a person.
Accompany the handshake with a direct eye contact, otherwise you may be mistaken for a deceitful person or for a person hiding something.
Handshake Rules they don’t allow you to stretch your hand with your palm (back side) down, so you show your superiority and show the dominant role in the process of communicating with this person. And vice versa, if your palm is up, you recognize the superiority of the one with whom you greet and are almost ready to lay down.
When shaking hands, it will be correct to shake with clasped hands no more than seven times, but three strong equal swings will be optimal.
If you are sitting when someone is giving you a hand, stand up before shaking it, it will make a favorable impression, because in this way you will show your respect to the person.
A handshake on the street between men, no matter what time of year and what weather, should be without gloves. For a woman, the rules of etiquette allow the glove not to be removed (this is only on the street, you will have to do this indoors).
There is such a kind of handshake, when one person with both hands, takes (grabs) one hand of the other - the "Glove" handshake - it is often used by politicians. So a person is trying to show that he can be trusted, trying to evoke painfully warm feelings. But when meeting, this kind of handshake works with the opposite of the desired result. It should be used only in relation to close or well-known people, otherwise cause suspicion and caution in relation to yourself.
Usually, the right hand is served for a handshake (even if you are left-handed), but there are times when you can extend the left hand as well. For example, if your right hand is dirty (after dirty work) and there is no way to wash it quickly. In this case, giving the left, you must apologize and explain the situation.
Strong friendly handshakes to you!
If you find an error, please highlight a piece of text and click Ctrl+Enter.
The time has come for the third article, and, this time, it will focus on a previously raised topic - the rules for shaking hands with men. we have already talked about the existence of three different types of handshakes and their interpretation, but today we will dwell on this issue in more detail. Let's get started!
If you are quite sociable or meet a large number of people during the day due to the specifics of your work, then you probably have to shake hands often when answering greetings. Perhaps, in a circle of friends, a handshake acquires more “meaningfulness”, especially if you are really glad to meet this or that person, but, most often, this ritual is perceived as an ordinary formality that must be performed. Behind all this veil of everyday life, consisting of a huge number of conventions, it is very difficult not only to analyze the greetings of other people, but also simply to understand why, in fact, this utterly familiar ritual is performed. What exactly is a handshake? When is it appropriate to give a hand in greeting, and when not? How to determine by a handshake what kind of person is in front of you? Today we will try to understand each of these issues.
History of the handshake
Few people know, but the handshake is a rather ancient gesture. We will not delve into history, but, for example, this ritual is evidenced in a bas-relief depicting how the Babylonian king Marduk-zakir-shumi I shakes hands with the Assyrian king Shalmananasar III. This episode took place in 855 BC. Impressive number, isn't it? There is also a version, probably the most romantic and beautiful, that this gesture found its popularity during the Middle Ages at knightly tournaments. Despite the large number of hypotheses, the meaning of the handshake at all times remained the same - to show the absence of weapons in the right hand and, as a result, to demonstrate good intentions. Agree, it is more pleasant to shake hands with your boss or acquaintance, presenting yourself as a noble knight, than to do it without any reflection.
The knights' handshake is a gesture of respect in knightly tournaments.
Speaking about the history of handshakes in Russia, it is worth noting that it had a sacred meaning of transmitting a biorhythm, since during the contact of the wrists, the pulse also connects. It was customary to shake hands exclusively with friends, while when greeting other people, it was enough to raise your hat. This is where the expression "hat acquaintance" came from.
Etiquette and handshake rules
Although the history of the handshake may have a militant origin, at present it is primarily a greeting, and, like any greeting, it must follow the rules of etiquette.
There are a few simple rules that any self-respecting gentleman must follow:
- For a handshake, the right hand is always offered (this also applies to left-handers). The free hand, however, should not be in the pocket.
- When offering a hand for greeting, one should not keep it relaxed, just as one should not squeeze the palm of another person too hard. The handshake should be calm, strong (not to be confused with strong) and short.
- If you are introduced to another person, he should be the first to extend his hand.
- In the case of a meeting with a woman, whether there will be a handshake or not, she decides. Etiquette requires a woman to give her hand first. When meeting people of different ages, the initiative of the first move belongs to the one who is older. If the opponent decides to get by with a bow, nod, or other gesture, you should not insist on a handshake, as your hand may simply hang in the air without an answer, and you will find yourself in an unpleasant situation.
- If you met with a group of people, among whom your acquaintance is present, etiquette obliges you to shake hands with everyone present.
- Etiquette dictates that men take off their gloves before greeting. This rule has exceptions, for example, in the winter season. Both hands involved in the ritual must be either gloved or ungloved. If your friend has taken off his glove, you will have to follow suit.
- When leaving a small company, it will be appropriate to shake hands with each of those present. If there are many people gathered, an oral farewell will suffice.
Sign language. Palms
We turn to our main issue, namely, to sign language. Speaking about the handshake, one cannot fail to mention the palms, after all, it is the palms that participate in this ritual.
Interesting fact. At all times, an open palm has been associated with honesty and sincerity. That is why oaths are taken with the palm on the heart, and abroad, while giving evidence in court, the Bible is held in the left hand, and the right is raised up so that it is visible to the members of the court. These traditions are not without foundation, since the position of the palms can really make it clear about the intentions of a person.
The easiest way to understand whether the recipient is sincere with you is to watch his palms. When people are frank, they hold out one or two palms while saying something like: "I'll be honest with you!" When the recipient is sufficiently frank, he fully or partially opens his palms. Like many gestures, this movement is completely unconscious.
- When children lie, they hide their palms behind their backs.
- If the wife wants to hide where she has been all night, she will hide her hands in her pockets or keep them crossed during explanations.
It begs a legitimate question. If I lie, but keep my palms in plain sight, will they believe me? An unambiguous answer cannot be given. There are many other gestures that accompany lying. If they are noticeable, they will allow you to doubt your sincerity. On the contrary, if they are not noticeable, then, most likely, other gestures symbolizing your sincerity will also not be noticeable. We will not delve into this topic, since the purpose of this article is to interpret gestures, and not to teach others to lie. Instead, here's some pretty helpful advice. In order to increase the confidence of other people, make it a habit to keep your palms open during a conversation. This will encourage your interlocutors to be more open and trusting with you. In addition, this will reduce the amount of untruth both in your speech and in the speech of the interlocutors, since most people cannot lie when their palms are open.
One of the most significant and subtle non-verbal signals is the signal transmitted by the human palm. When used correctly, it gives people a greater level of authority and, in some cases, the ability to command others.
There are three types of command gestures. Let's take a look at a specific example. It is necessary to ask, for example, a colleague at work to pick up a box from the floor and put it on a cabinet, using the same words, tone of voice and facial expression. Only the position of the palm will change.
- The position of the open palm is up. Does not carry any threatening context. Seeing such a gesture, a person will not feel any pressure on your part and will perceive all this as an ordinary request.
- Open palm down position. This gesture carries a connotation of authority. With some probability, it can cause hostility, since a person can perceive this situation as an order. If your colleague is of equal standing with you, the request may not be fulfilled.
- "Pointing finger" Associated with compulsion to submission. It is one of the most annoying gestures in the dialogue process. If you actively use this gesture, then try to replace it with the previous two gestures. This will help you achieve great success in communicating with others.
Sign language. Handshake
In one of the previous articles, we have already considered the types of handshake. Depending on the position of the palms, it can mean superiority, humility and equality. Let's take an example to refresh our memories.
You have met a certain person for the first time, and you greet each other with the usual handshake. Depending on the position of your recipient's palm, it can mean the following:
- Palm pointing down - "This guy is trying to put pressure on me, you should be more careful."
- Palm pointing up - "Perhaps I can put pressure on this person, it is worth considering this fact."
- Palms parallel to each other - “This guy definitely makes me sympathetic. We'll get along."
This information is transmitted unconsciously, after a series of trainings, you can accustom yourself to use this or that handshake to have the desired effect on others.
It should be noted that there are exceptions to the rules. For example, people suffering from arthritis are forced to respond with a weak handshake. Also, a sluggish handshake is typical for a number of professions, for example, surgeons and musicians.
To determine exactly what kind of person is in front of you, watch his subsequent actions. A compliant person, in the future, will demonstrate other gestures that characterize him as a submissive recipient, and an imperious person will show his aggressiveness. If two powerful people greet each other, a symbolic struggle takes place between them, during which everyone tries to subjugate the opponent's hand. Often this wrestling results in an equal handshake in which both hands remain vertical and both people develop a sense of mutual respect. It is this handshake that the father teaches his son when he asks him to say hello, “like a man.”
If you are shaking hands with a powerful person, it is very difficult to persuade him to shake hands equally, and even more difficult to do it in the least noticeable way. We have already considered one of the ways to return the initiative to our own hands, but now it is time to give a different method of disarming such people. It will allow not only to take control of the situation, but also to puzzle the recipient with an intrusion into the personal zone.
To learn this technique, you need to practice the following movements:
- Movement one. When you take the hand of the powerful person, take a step forward with your left foot. I recommend that you always lean forward for a handshake with your left foot, even if you do not use the technique described. This will give you some wiggle room and allow you to neutralize the dominant handshake if needed.
- Movement two. Move your right foot forward and stand in front of the recipient on the left, moving into his personal area.
- Movement three. Place your left foot behind your right and shake your partner's hand.
This technique allows you to bring the opponent's palm to a different position, as well as become the master of the situation, since you have violated the intimate zone of your partner.
Other types of handshakes
Finally
Well, in this article we briefly, but as informatively as possible, figured out the types of handshakes, and also figured out a few elementary rules of etiquette. As we found out, a handshake can make it clear what kind of person is in front of us, and, as they say, who owns the information, he owns the situation.
Take care of your time and all the best to you!
The handshake is very important. When you shake hands with someone, the brain releases the confidence hormone oxytocin. You open up for communication, trust each other more and even consider your handshake partner to be a more pleasant person. The same thing happens in his head. But it is important not just to shake hands, but to do it right. How exactly - said Vanessa van Edwards (Vanessa Van Edwards), a psychologist and author of the book "Science of Communication".
1. Hold your palm upright
During the handshake, the palm should be in a vertical position. This puts you and the other person on an equal footing.
Equality
If someone turns your hand over so that you can see your wrist, then he is trying to dominate. Never initiate a handshake from this position yourself. This is how you show your weakness.
domination 2. Make eye contact
Eye contact is not a direct part of the handshake, but it has a huge impact on the formation of the first impression.
When you look into the eyes of another person, as if you are saying: "I want to communicate with you." Such a look is much more important than the first words when meeting, because it, like a handshake, provokes the production of oxytocin. At a subconscious level, a person is perceived as open, pleasant, convincing and memorable. People will want to see you again and get to know you better.
If there is no eye contact at the first meeting, then for the brain it is like a red rag for a bull. The person becomes annoyed, thinks that something is being hidden from him, and is suspicious of you.
3. Don't Squeeze Too Much
Squeeze your hand tightly: sluggish handshakes are unpleasant and people will consider you an unreliable person who does not want to communicate. But don't do it too hard so you don't make anyone nervous. Too strong handshakes can be intimidating and uncomfortable.
4. Don't hold your hand for too long
The perfect handshake lasts 3-5 seconds. Too long causes bewilderment and embarrassment. Too short and jerky - the feeling that the person is not in the mood for communication at all and wants to leave as soon as possible. But if you are really in a hurry and met on the run, then such a handshake would be appropriate.
5. Don't reach out with a wet hand
Shaking a wet hand is not a pleasant thing, but that's not the only point. Your hands sweat when you're nervous, and being nervous doesn't help you produce good things. Do not extend a wet hand to greet, do not show your excitement to another person. Just in case, carry paper handkerchiefs with you.
6. Evaluate what is best in a particular situation: shake hands or hug
When you meet an old acquaintance, you can shake his hand and even hug him. Everyone will be comfortable. But if it comes to new people in the environment, then you can get into an awkward situation and confuse a person. You need to know in advance what type of greeting would be appropriate.
Watch body language when someone approaches you. If the hands cover the torso or one hand is outstretched, then a handshake is appropriate, but hugging is not worth it.
